Thursday, March 22, 2012

Sex and NYSC Camp!!!


I recently had some bad and good drama in my life, so I've kinda been out of it, hence my silence. BUT I'm back now, and I have my friend 'Tones' to thank for reminding me to post.

At this point, Batch A 2012 Corpers have been in camp for about two weeks, and I can tell you that they're either having bunches of fun or sick and tired of camp and can't wait for it to be over. By now, chances are that a larger number of the corpers have established a rapport with individuals of the opposite sex in camp (fellow corpers, soldiers, officials, etc) and are becoming bolder in exhibiting certain behaviors. By 'certain' I mean RANDY, and by behaviors I mean 'intercoursourial.' (Yes, I made up a word... sue me)

Can I just put it out there that...

  1. I have no idea why anyone would want to engage in sex of any kind in camp!?!?!? Any NYSC camp is generally filthy, so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, for the love of hygienic sex, why??? 
  2. Any corper who has sex in camp is quite creative! In my camp (Lagos), my new friends and I tried to imagine where any such activities could/would take place. You see, there's relatively no privacy, so anyone who has the imagination to find a secluded spot, should be given an A for effort, if nothing else.
  3. The camp officials and soldiers are probably hornier than all the corpers combined!!! Ok, so you're giving us lectures on Safe Sex, but must you be SO excited about it? Honestly, I don't care to see you move your body in sexually suggestive motions simply because you want to explain how to put on a condom. *rolls eyes* OMG, one of the soldiers who was in charge of our drills and physical activity was CRAZY! He always, ALWAYS made us roll our hips from side to side and would instruct us as so:
"Roll your body, rouuuuuuuund and rouuuuuuund, move your hips.....front and back....
and all the girls say "Ahhhhh, Ahhhhh!"

Dude! WTH?????

Anyways, I heard a couple of stories during camp... Oops, did I mention this post is rated 18+? Not that I go into graphic details, but far be it from me to encourage bad boys and girls *insert BB angel smiley*

I've mentioned Mami Market a couple of times in previous posts. Well, apparently, not only can you go there to get a hot meal, drinks, etc... You can also rent a "room" for your "show-me-yours-and-i'll-show-you-mine" activities. I wish I had pictures of Lagos Mami Market, but I have no idea what part of it would have housed the said rooms. I heard they were somewhere in the back, but it's all bushes there, so I dunno. And even then, like are there beds? Do they supply protection? How much does it cost to get a room? Are they rented out by the hour, half-hour, minute? :p

For those who couldn't afford the above-mentioned rooms, there were other options. For instance, I heard that a soldier caught a female orally pleasuring her male partner in his nether regions, on the PARADE GROUND! Mind you, this is an open field or space. Maybe they were drunk cos this made no sense to me. Anyways, the soldier made them continue while he brought out his phone and took pictures. He allegedly made them pay him money so that he wouldn't circulate the pictures. Of course he still showed the pictures around. *Ahem, I shan't comment on whether or not I saw said photographs* What do you think? :)

One night, just as we were getting ready for 'Lights Out,' the female hostel erupted in screams and shouts. Of course, everyone was eager to see what the ruckus was - apparently a guy had sneaked into our hostel for a late-night rendezvous with the object of his affection. For whatever reason, they decided that under one of the staircases was a good hiding point... WRONG! Someone caught them and started shouting, which caused excitement in the hostel. Unfortunately, most of the girls were punished that night because they were too excited to go back to bed. Luckily, my roommates locked our door, and we pretended we'd been asleep the whole time. 

I dunno if you've heard anything about Camp Fire/Bonfire Night. This, I've been told, is when the real freakiness comes out. Again, it's also hearsay to me, because my goody-two shoes self went to bed early during our Camp Fire night. This camp event is usually closer to the end of the 3 weeks, and most people look forward to it because it's one huge party and it's the one night we're allowed to stay awake past 10pm. Seeing as "the freaks come out at night" you can only imagine what goes on in different parts of camp, especially since the camp officials and soldiers are too busy with the bonfire. Ours was done in the open space in the middle of Mami Market. By 10pm, vendors have pretty much shut down and left their stalls for the day. Well, one noodles woman came back to check on her stall, and guess what she saw - yup, two corpers going at it... ON HER STOVE!!!! LOL, poor thing. I hope she used a whole bottle of Dettol to wipe it down the following morning. I sure as heck wasn't going to eat noodles anymore after that episode.

 I know it's a given that in any camp, corpers are having "relations" with other corpers, soldiers, camp officials and whoever else. But really though, is it that serious? Like, you can't go 3 weeks without sex? Really? You know what though? A friend of mine in camp said one of her roommates frequently "helped herself out" and got beaten up and kicked out of the room. Looks like you're doomed whether it's solo or partnered relations.

Moral of the stories are: STAY AWAY FROM NYSC CAMP SEX! 

Goody-Two-Shoesly yours,

*side hug today, and no kisses*


  1. K...this has got to be one of fav post so far!! I feel for u, lol

  2. i ve been reading ur posts,,,love ur style of writing,,,will be moving bk to naija this summer,but ve to do my housemanship first. hopefully by d time i'm thru,nysc will be over(canceled),,he he