Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Now that camp is over...

The stress is a thing of the past..........LIES!!!

Welcome new corpers to 11 months of dealing with your Local Government Inspectors office. Your LGI is your new guardian and you are his/her responsibility. The LGI office is where you

  • get registered to confirm that you have been accepted by your Place of Primary Assignment (PPA)
  • Submit your monthly clearance letter to confirm that you have been working and to ensure that you get paid your NYSC monthly allowance
  • Attend your weekly Community Development (CD) activity such as Drama, Education, Sanitation, Construction & Maintenance, etc.
  • Go to if you have any issues - although truthfully, you should ask your fellow corpers first, THEN seek LGI's help if need be.
In order to get registered with the LGI, you need a few things:
  1. Your acceptance letter from your PPA
  2. Your posting letter from NYSC - this tells you what company you're posted to and which LG office to report to
  3. Your original bank form - all corpers are required to open new bank accounts at specified banks (you'll also be notified of which branch). The new bank account must be opened, regardless of if you already have an account with that bank. 
  4. Your NYSC ID
  5. Passport pictures - Remember how I said you'd need them at several points during the whole year?
  6. If you have registered with a special CDS group, they should have given you a letter to exempt you from any of the LGI CD groups. Bring it with you too.
Please note that you must be properly dressed in your NYSC uniform when you go to your LGI office. 
Also, don't forget to make multiple copies of everything before you get there. 

If you didn't sign up with a special CD group, the LGI will randomly put you in any one they have. 

Please remember to pick up a CD card from the LG office. Otherwise, I've heard some special CD groups make you pay for it - N50. It's supposed to be free. 

When you've compiled all the necessary documents, you'll be given a folder in which you put everything in a PARTICULAR order. Ask someone who's already done theirs. If you ask any of the LG officers, you may be abused from then till eternity (very irritated, saucy bunch, they are).

Now, my honey bunches of oats, you WILL find this process stressful and your patience will be sorely tried. Your LGI office will show you just how immature human beings can be - standing in line proves to be a really hard task for Nigerians in general. In addition, you'll find that organization and common sense are severely lacking or completely absent. Truth be told, if I felt that it'd be worth my time, I'd like to go around the country to properly organize NYSC LGI offices to ease any and all processes for corps members and officials alike. Unfortunately, chances are that I'll be rebuffed from the very beginning, so I'll put my efforts elsewhere. 

Dear Batch A 2012 corps members, Godspeed!

Berry many hugs to you (lol, my cheese level knows no bounds!)

Nooooooooooooooo! The HORROR!

I just heard the news! Seriously, where have I been, what have I been doing, what is his name???

Wait for it...

Corpers are no longer allowed to serve in the private sector!

Apparently, the new policy is that all NYSC postings will henceforth be in Rural Health, Primary and Secondary Education, Rural Infrastructural Development, and Agricultural Development.

Click Here for the full story.

Can I just say 2 things in response?

  1. Thank God I signed up with the last batch *whew*
  2. I actually think it's not the worst idea in the world, although I have some objections. On one hand, the point is to get the Nigerian youths to have a hand in developing the country, which is fine by me. However, will the objective actually be enforced properly? In addition, under what conditions are corps members supposed to be serving? I personally think that if corpers are being sent to rural areas (in fact outside their state of residence), then NYSC should ensure accommodation for at least 3-6 months. A lot of corpers are not privileged to have family or friends in the states they've been sent to - and let's not even talk about the measly allowance we receive. Come to think of it though, NYSC allowance (N19,800 per month) is higher than minimum wage in Nigeria. This country can be depressing when you really sit to think about the number of people that are suffering. 
Back to the main point, I guess this means no more corpers will be sent to banks, law firms, oil companies and such. Wow. Wow. Wow! As always, I will not encourage anyone to skirt rules, regulations and requirements, but I want to see what the outcome for Batch A 2012 corpers will be... How many will actually carry out the teaching/farming/etc duties? If nothing else, there might be something to learn and NYSC could be grooming future commercial farming executives!

I wonder, can Nigerian soil be good for vineyards? I would totally love to make wine and pretend I'm in Italy!

*enough of the random thoughts* Anyways, due to my missing this very important news item, I have included a news feed on the bottom of this page. The news feed will specifically look for stories on NYSC. I'll discuss the ones that interest me in different posts.

Gotta get back to work!

Berry :)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Sex and NYSC Camp!!!


I recently had some bad and good drama in my life, so I've kinda been out of it, hence my silence. BUT I'm back now, and I have my friend 'Tones' to thank for reminding me to post.

At this point, Batch A 2012 Corpers have been in camp for about two weeks, and I can tell you that they're either having bunches of fun or sick and tired of camp and can't wait for it to be over. By now, chances are that a larger number of the corpers have established a rapport with individuals of the opposite sex in camp (fellow corpers, soldiers, officials, etc) and are becoming bolder in exhibiting certain behaviors. By 'certain' I mean RANDY, and by behaviors I mean 'intercoursourial.' (Yes, I made up a word... sue me)

Can I just put it out there that...

  1. I have no idea why anyone would want to engage in sex of any kind in camp!?!?!? Any NYSC camp is generally filthy, so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, for the love of hygienic sex, why??? 
  2. Any corper who has sex in camp is quite creative! In my camp (Lagos), my new friends and I tried to imagine where any such activities could/would take place. You see, there's relatively no privacy, so anyone who has the imagination to find a secluded spot, should be given an A for effort, if nothing else.
  3. The camp officials and soldiers are probably hornier than all the corpers combined!!! Ok, so you're giving us lectures on Safe Sex, but must you be SO excited about it? Honestly, I don't care to see you move your body in sexually suggestive motions simply because you want to explain how to put on a condom. *rolls eyes* OMG, one of the soldiers who was in charge of our drills and physical activity was CRAZY! He always, ALWAYS made us roll our hips from side to side and would instruct us as so:
"Roll your body, rouuuuuuuund and rouuuuuuund, move your hips.....front and back....
and all the girls say "Ahhhhh, Ahhhhh!"

Dude! WTH?????

Anyways, I heard a couple of stories during camp... Oops, did I mention this post is rated 18+? Not that I go into graphic details, but far be it from me to encourage bad boys and girls *insert BB angel smiley*

I've mentioned Mami Market a couple of times in previous posts. Well, apparently, not only can you go there to get a hot meal, drinks, etc... You can also rent a "room" for your "show-me-yours-and-i'll-show-you-mine" activities. I wish I had pictures of Lagos Mami Market, but I have no idea what part of it would have housed the said rooms. I heard they were somewhere in the back, but it's all bushes there, so I dunno. And even then, like are there beds? Do they supply protection? How much does it cost to get a room? Are they rented out by the hour, half-hour, minute? :p

For those who couldn't afford the above-mentioned rooms, there were other options. For instance, I heard that a soldier caught a female orally pleasuring her male partner in his nether regions, on the PARADE GROUND! Mind you, this is an open field or space. Maybe they were drunk cos this made no sense to me. Anyways, the soldier made them continue while he brought out his phone and took pictures. He allegedly made them pay him money so that he wouldn't circulate the pictures. Of course he still showed the pictures around. *Ahem, I shan't comment on whether or not I saw said photographs* What do you think? :)

One night, just as we were getting ready for 'Lights Out,' the female hostel erupted in screams and shouts. Of course, everyone was eager to see what the ruckus was - apparently a guy had sneaked into our hostel for a late-night rendezvous with the object of his affection. For whatever reason, they decided that under one of the staircases was a good hiding point... WRONG! Someone caught them and started shouting, which caused excitement in the hostel. Unfortunately, most of the girls were punished that night because they were too excited to go back to bed. Luckily, my roommates locked our door, and we pretended we'd been asleep the whole time. 

I dunno if you've heard anything about Camp Fire/Bonfire Night. This, I've been told, is when the real freakiness comes out. Again, it's also hearsay to me, because my goody-two shoes self went to bed early during our Camp Fire night. This camp event is usually closer to the end of the 3 weeks, and most people look forward to it because it's one huge party and it's the one night we're allowed to stay awake past 10pm. Seeing as "the freaks come out at night" you can only imagine what goes on in different parts of camp, especially since the camp officials and soldiers are too busy with the bonfire. Ours was done in the open space in the middle of Mami Market. By 10pm, vendors have pretty much shut down and left their stalls for the day. Well, one noodles woman came back to check on her stall, and guess what she saw - yup, two corpers going at it... ON HER STOVE!!!! LOL, poor thing. I hope she used a whole bottle of Dettol to wipe it down the following morning. I sure as heck wasn't going to eat noodles anymore after that episode.

 I know it's a given that in any camp, corpers are having "relations" with other corpers, soldiers, camp officials and whoever else. But really though, is it that serious? Like, you can't go 3 weeks without sex? Really? You know what though? A friend of mine in camp said one of her roommates frequently "helped herself out" and got beaten up and kicked out of the room. Looks like you're doomed whether it's solo or partnered relations.

Moral of the stories are: STAY AWAY FROM NYSC CAMP SEX! 

Goody-Two-Shoesly yours,

*side hug today, and no kisses*

Monday, March 5, 2012

Best wishes to 2012 Batch A Corpers!!!

Hey y'all.

So a brand new set of corpers are about to begin their 12-moth NYSC journey starting tomorrow. I just want to give you last-minute words of advice as you enter into camp and get started on this adventure!

  1. First things first, for those of you that have not yet located where your camps are, visit NYSC State Locations
  2. Don't forget what you can and can't bring/buy (See my prior post here:  What to Bring and What NOT to Bring)
  3. If you have medicines that you usually take (for headaches, allergies, cramps, asthma, etc), please take them with you. The clinics aren't nearly as stocked as they claim to be.
  4. Don't spend all your time at mami market. It gets old really quickly. Although I heard some people just go there to maintain a buzz or stay drunk to cope with camp...
  5. Don't break any bones during your Man 'O' War activities! 
  6. Keep your eyes/ears open for any Community Development activities you may be interested in. Note that if you don't pick one at the end of the day, your Local Government Inspector's office will choose one randomly for you. 
  7. Don't be afraid! Trust me, if I could manage 21 days in there, anybody can do it. Bring your A-game and slaughter any preconceived softie notions about you.
  8. Please please please, don't go to camp and embarrass us "foreigners" and claim that you can't do any work. I'll just ban you from readying my blog *insert BB uninterested smiley!
  9. DO NOT HAVE any form of sexual intercourse!!! I see you laughing, but I'm not joking. #1. It's freaking FILTHY in camp. #2. If you're caught, the story will get around and yours might be one of the stories I write about in my "Sex and NYSC Camp" post. I've warned you...
  10. HAVE FUN! Don't be uptight. Be willing to mingle and make friends. You'll definitely need at least one person to gripe about camp with.
  11. BRING GIST BACK FOR ME!!! Mostly cos I want to post them :)

That about covers it. By the time you come out, I'd have put up a post on what to do next after you leave camp. Best wishes and I can't wait to hear your stories!

Berry hugs and kisses!

Friday, March 2, 2012

Post-NYSC Interview

Hello darlings!

It's Friday and I'm singing "Cheers to the freaking weekend!" I had to go to my NYSC Local Government this morning for monthly clearance (this is where your company sends a letter to NYSC saying that you showed up to work consistently for the month, and NYSC pays you your allowance aka allawi). I just have to say that dealing with NYSC offices can make a person go insane! I'm just counting down the number of times I have to do this - 3 down, 9 to go... pray for my sanity, people!

So one of my friends from Batch A, 2011 just passed out - congrats to everyone who got their certificates! He's such a darling, and granted my request for an interview... I just wanted to get and share his experience and thoughts with you guys. Have fun reading...

Berry: State your aje-butter credentials according to Berry's definition. (See definition here: Calling All Aje-butters post)

Boss: All of the above

Berry: How would you summarize your NYSC experience from start to finish?

Boss: It was an exciting and intriguing experience. I met a lot of new people and made new friends from different parts of the country. The 3 weeks spent in camp was fun and entertaining, but for the most part it was stressful and knackering.

Berry: What, if anything, did you learn during your NYSC year? Personally or career-wise?

Boss: I learnt a lot about road safety which was what I did as my CD (Community Development). It has actually helped to make me a better and safer driver.

Berry: What are your personal views on the relevance of NYSC in Nigeria currently?

Boss: The NYSC programme was designed to encourage the youths of Nigeria to go out of their comfort zone or their indigenous states so that they could experience the lifestyle of other people in different environments. It was also designed with the aim of integrating youths of different backgrounds, ethnicity, religion and social class.

Berry: Why did you decide to go through the NYSC program?

Boss: I was encouraged by my parents and family members to go through NYSC so I could become a "full citizen" of Nigeria.

Berry: What was your experience like in camp? Favorite/worst memories?


  • Favourite experiences in camp: meeting new peeps, taking part in different activities, becoming runner-up in the Macho-Man/Sexiest Man Alive competition, coaching our platoon football team all the way to winning the camp football trophy
  • Worst experiences: living in a small space with 17 other boys, all that marching under the hot sun, waking up at 4am, not being allowed to go to the girls hostel, crappy meals, no toilets, not enough time to sleep, not enough time to pimp hoes... etc

Berry: What would you change about/in the NYSC program?

Boss: I would change a few things. For instance, I would like a situation where the location of service is optional. I think applications should be done online. The NYSC camp kit (uniform) should be designed to suit each corper's needs. And more security and accommodation for the serving corpers.

Berry: What CD group did you join, and was the experience worthwhile?

Boss: Road Safety and yes, my experience was worthwhile.

Berry: Do you have any advice for incoming aje-butter corpers?

Boss: My advice to the incoming corpers, whether aje-butter or not, is to make the best out of the experience and try to participate in as many activities as possible.

Berry: Now that you're done with NYSC, what are your plans?

Boss: My post NYSC plan is to continue my journey of becoming the biggest BOSS the world has ever seen.

*end of interview*

As you can see, my friend is a bit of a joker. And you see where 'Boss' came from. I didn't know he participated in the camp pageant... although he IS kinda hawt (actually he's REALLY HAWT and has one of the nicest voices EVER!). His quip about not having enough time to pimp hoes has given me an idea for a new post!!!!!

Have a pretty weekend :)
Berry hugs!